


Safety

by SheWantsItAll



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, I promise this isn't as dark as it sounds, M/M, Marvin's Tragic Backstory, Neglect, Past Child Abuse, Past Suicide Attempt, Problematic Psychiatrist, Protective Whizzer Brown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:21:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27580622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SheWantsItAll/pseuds/SheWantsItAll
Summary: A brief history of Marvin's life at home, college, and young adult life, followed by A Situation and lots of hurt/comfort.Read the tags!
Relationships: Marvin/Trina (Falsettos), Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 15
Kudos: 40





	1. The Background

**Author's Note:**

> Okay y'all. This chapter gets a bit darker than the other things I've posted... there's nothing graphic and it isn't in depth, but it is dark at points. 
> 
> Read the tags and be safe 💖

Ten year old Marvin tried to stay at school at much as he could. He walked to school, despite the cold instead of taking the bus because it took longer, he had to leave sooner, and he would always get breakfast that way. He walked home, too. That way he could linger somewhere at school until they locked the doors in the afternoon. 

When he got home, no one asked about his day. No one gave him a snack or a hug. He was essentially invisible... until bad things happened. 

When his progress report said that he was making a B in math, he was made to sit at the table and do extra math practice while his parents ate dinner. He was sent to bed without eating. When he dropped one of his mother's nice china plates he had been berated within an inch of his life because he was clumsy and worthless and a horrible excuse for a son. They yelled all the time. He hated the yelling the most.

Marvin just wanted someone to notice him for something good, like the way he had an A in all his other classes, or the way he helped around the house, though both of those things were mostly done under duress.

Sixteen year old Marvin was almost never home. He was taking four AP classes in an effort to graduate high school with as many college credits as he could. He was planning to do the same thing the rest of his junior and senior year. He had also started working at the pharmacy down the street. 

Legally, at sixteen, he wasn't allowed to work after seven at night, but most of the time he was there much later. He needed the money, both for food and rent for his parents and to save for college and hopefully a car, and the manager didn’t seem to mind giving him extra shifts under the table. They usually weren't too busy after around nine, giving him two hours to get a head start on his homework from behind the register before he went home. 

He got up at six and took the bus to school- gone were the days of walking to school. He was out of the house enough without it and his high school was much farther away than his elementary school had been. He was at school from 7:30 to 2:30, and he usually stayed and studied in the library (and went to chess club on Thursdays) until it was an hour before his shift at the pharmacy. Then he would change into his uniform in the bathroom and walk the mile and a half to the pharmacy. It wasn't so bad in the spring and fall, but when there was snow on the ground he sometimes took the bus. Then he would do his shift, and take the bus home, usually around ten or eleven. Then it was hours of homework to complete his coursework and maintain the grades that would allow him to stay in his parents' good graces. 

He avoided them like the plague. He could go days without seeing them and that was fine with him. They mostly ignored him, anyway, except when he fell behind in his house work or forgot to give them the rent they demanded from him. 

Any misstep would lead to an inevitable attack, and it was bad enough listening to them yell at each other all the time. He lived in constant fear of what could happen if he slipped up. They could kick him out, then what would he do? 

Marvin just wanted a break. He was exhausted all the time, but he knew that it was the only way he would ever get out of there.

Seventeen year old Marvin was ready for a new beginning. He had graduated high school with 64 college credits. 

He had packed his older-than-him beater car with his bare bones college supplies... dollar store personal care items and the cheapest available notebooks, pens and folders. He had all of his clothes, and a cozy blue and gray striped bedding set that had been his biggest splurge at $20. He took everything he wanted to see again. All the books and journals off of his shelf, his thrift store chess set, and a folder with his important documents. 

Marvin didn't plan to ever go back again. 

Nineteen year old Marvin was under immense pressure. 

He was still over worked, both at school and at his job. He worked more than forty hours most weeks in an attempt to stay on top of his tuition payment plan and he always felt the pressure of what was coming the next day, because he was always working on school deadlines right down to the very last minute. 

This was made much worse by the fact that he was getting married. Weeks ago he had been at a party. He never went to parties, but his roommate had insisted it would be a great time and dragged him out. Everyone else was drinking and they seemed so happy. Apparently he overdid it. He slept with a young woman his age- he wasn't even interested in women. Her family insisted they get married, and given his experience with families, he felt like he didn't have any choice. 

After getting to know her over the last two months, he thought he could do this. He did like Trina. He could almost even say he loved her- not in the way she expected him to, of course, but in his own way. His own, closeted, neglected way. 

Marvin didn't really know how to love anyone. He'd had a horrible example set for him. He wasn't even sure if anyone had ever told him they loved him. But he was going to try. 

Twenty one year old Marvin was struggling. Not financially, or to make ends meet, or to meet ridiculous deadlines, thank goodness. But. Struggling anyway.

Trina had the baby. They had named him Jason, and Marvin thought he was the most amazing thing in the world. Before they had him he had started to question if he was actually capable of real love. Trina was often cross with him, accusing him of not loving her. The situation wasn’t ideal, but he was trying. He went to work, he helped around the house, he held her hand while they watched TV. This wasn't enough, she wanted passion that he just couldn't seem to muster. 

Sometimes he was snappish and horrible to her. Lashing out with his words over the simplest of things. He didn't mean to be, and he hated himself for it, but sometimes it just happened. He had never been a very good communicator. He wanted to tell himself it was because of his upbringing, but he didn’t think it was. He just wasn’t a very good person. 

He loved Jason though, more than he had ever loved anyone or anything else. He wanted to be better than his parents had been. He was determined to be, but he was so worried that he was going to fail that little baby. 

He had opened up to Trina about his childhood before they got married, when she wanted to know why he didn’t want to invite any of his family to their wedding- accusing him of being ashamed of her and the baby. He told her everything that had happened. Everything that led him to never saw them and why he didn't want Jason to be anywhere near his grandparents. She brushed it off, like she thought he was just being dramatic, and he wished he had never told her. When she strongly suggested he go to therapy, he didn't think that would hurt. 

Marvin's psychiatrist thought that he had anxiety,and that it was the cause of all these problems. It made sense that he would, given the way he had been treated and his complicated relationship situation. That anxiety was the cause of his outbursts and poor self regulation skills. So he put Marvin on anti-anxiety medication. Lots of it. 

After the first week Marvin told his psychiatrist that he didn't think the medication was working, that he just felt foggy, and he was told that was normal, to be patient. 

After the second week he still felt the same, but was reminded to be patient. Things took a while to build up in the system enough that they would start to work soon. 

After the third week, Marvin just felt numb. He couldn't bring himself to do anything. He didn't go to work, he didn't react when Trina told him to pick up his clothes. 

So it fixed him, right? He wasn't snapping at her. He couldn't be mean if he didn't have it in him to react at all. 

Even when two year old Jason toddled over And climbed in his lap he couldn't find it in himself to be as excited as he once was. He loved his son. He loved him so much. He just felt so.. flat. 

Weeks passed. He couldn't feel anything. Except he felt trapped. The psychiatrist and Trina kept telling him that it would work and he just needed to wait. 

He couldn't feel anything. At all. He was scared of himself. He couldn't do it anymore. He was trapped. He was a horrible person. He couldn't do it. He just couldn't. 

Twenty two year old Marvin woke up in this hospital. They told him he had tried to kill himself. 

He assured them that he most definitely did not. But his memory was cloudy, and he couldn't be completely sure. 

He stayed in the hospital, in the psych ward, for two weeks. He got to video chat with Trina and Jason twice, on Saturdays. They didn’t come and visit. He missed them all the time... He especially missed Jason. Something seemed off with Trina and he started to worry. He always felt like he was walking on eggshells with her- always afraid that she would find out his secret. 

Trina came to pick him up. He immediately opened the back door and unbuckled Jason, scooping him out of his car seat and holding him tight. He hadn’t spent more than a work day away from him since the day he was born and the last two weeks had been a special kind of hell without him.

"Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy Daddy" he chanted, gripping tiny toddler fist fulls of Marvin's shirt. 

"I missed you so much, baby" he said quietly, pressing kisses into Jason's hair. 

"Missed you too Daddy," Jason said in his cute little two year old voice. 

As he buckled Jason back in and climbed in the front seat with Trina, twenty two year old Marvin thought things might finally be looking up. 

Until he found out that Trina had talked to his psychiatrist while he was in the hospital. The psychiatrist told her everything. Not only things about his past that he had neglected, but also things about his present. The psychiatrist outed him to his wife. And it was legal, because "HIPAA Privacy Rule at 45 CFR 164.510(b) specifically permits covered entities to share information that is directly relevant to the involvement of a spouse."

She decided they should divorce. That she deserved someone who could love her, and he deserved someone he could love. He tried to argue. He did love her, and she was the first person to ever tell him they loved him. 

They divorced anyway, at her insistence, but continued to live together for Jason's sake. 

Now that he wasn't medicated within an inch of his life, the outbursts got bad again. Things we're tense anyway, because of the divorce and sometimes when he started talking he couldn’t stop until he realized he had dug himself into a hole so deep he couldn’t see a way out. Then they were yelling at once another. Just like his parents. 

Twenty three year old Marvin felt better about life than he ever had before. 

He had been promoted at work, he and Trina were getting along better and better since their split, and he found a new psychiatrist who wasn't intent on medicating him. 

Finding the right psychiatrist was one of the best things that had ever happened to him. It took some trial and error, but eventually he found someone he was comfortable with. He spent so many years pushing everything down to get through the day and it felt so good to be listened to and heard and believed. He started something called dialectical behavioral therapy, and five weeks in he felt better than he had in years. He was learning better ways to manage his emotions and better ways to cope with stress- things he should have learned as a child but never did. 

Marvin also had a boyfriend. His name was Whizzer Brown and Marvin thought he had to be the most amazing man on the planet. They had met at a used bookstore. Marvin was looking through worn science fiction paperback and Whizzer was restocking the shelves. Marvin was nervous because oh my gosh he was beautiful, but Whizzer had approached him and before he knew it they were making plans to go to dinner the next night.

Twenty seven year old Marvin thought he'd never been happier. He and Whizzer had been married for almost three years. His life had never been so full of love. Seven year old Jason stayed with them every weekend. They were a happy little family. 

Whizzer's family was wonderful- they had accepted him, and Jason, immediately, without any hesitation, and Marvin was still trying to get used to that three years on. The trio visited them often, and Marvin was surprised that Whizzer had never asked about his family, though he suspected the other man was curious. 

It was the one thing Marvin was careful not to tell Whizzer was about. He knew about the first psychiatrist and the hospitalization, he just didn't know the deeper reason behind it, outside a bad reaction to medication. 

He knew that Whizzer loved him. It made him feel warm and fuzzy just thinking about it, but he was still afraid that if he knew the whole story, if he knew how messed up Marvin really was, he would think less of him.


	2. The Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the superior chapter with the hurt/comfort you came here for.

When the letters started, Marvin was absolutely mortified. He had spent the last ten years running away from his family. He had spent thousands of dollars on therapy to try and fix his brain from the damage they had done. They hadn't wanted anything to do with him for seventeen years, so why did they suddenly want to talk? 

When he saw the return address on the first envelope, he had quickly thrown it in the trash and tried to put it out of his mind. He was upset. Of course he was. How had they found him? Why couldn't they just leave him alone? He was  _ finally _ happy. 

The letters came once a week for about a month. He always threw them away. He made sure not to take them home, and he tried not to let his husband see that anything was wrong. This, of course didn't work, because Whizzer knew him better than anyone, except for the parts of him that he had carefully excluded. 

Marvin started isolating himself. It was completely counterproductive, because of course it was. He was so anxious about the whole situation, but he couldn't let Whizzer find out. He couldn't stand the thought of him finding out how messed up he was and leaving. He wouldn't be able to handle it if Whizzer left him. 

After the first month, the letters started coming more and more frequently, until he was getting one almost every day. He still hadn't read them. Every time one came he threw it in the trash. He got increasingly more anxious as more letters arrived. Part of him wanted to know what the letters were about, why they all of a sudden wanted to get in contact with him, but he wasn't willing to open himself up to that situation again, and he knew that 

Whizzer had started asking questions. Something was obviously going on, and he was using his very best investigative skills to try and figure out what was happening. It was becoming more and more apparent that he was a terrible investigator and he was halfway tempted to ask Mendel for clues. He knew what a betrayal that would be, but he was so worried. The more gently prying questions he asked, though, the more Marvin seemed to clam up. 

Things came to a head, when there was a knock at their apartment door. Whizzer opened it to find two, severe looking older people. They introduced themselves as Marrvin’s parents and said that they had made plans to go to dinner with their son. Whizzer was surprised that Marvin hadn’t even mentioned that his parents were coming into town. He had been acting so off lately that it seemed plausible enough that he could have just forgotten.

"Marvin! Your parents are here! Why didn't you tell me they are coming!?" Whizzer called out towards the back of their apartment. He smiled at the people claiming to be Marvin's parents, even though something about them put him off. He didn't think he had ever seen a picture of Marvin with his parents.. come to think of it he wasn't sure he'd ever heard Marvin talk about his parents?

They looked like him. But.. more stern, maybe? The man looked very much like an older version of Marvin, or rather Marvin looked like a younger version of his father, but he was taller and much more intimidating. Appearances could be deceiving though, and he gave them both the benefit of the doubt and a warm smile and invited them in.. 

After they started asking questions, their “going to dinner” story became suspicious. They had lots of questions. Intrusive questions, like, Why wasn't he married? And What was his position at the accounting firm, did he actually make something of himself or was it a dead end job? Where had he been the last ten years? Why in the world was Whizzer opening his door and why were there kids toys all over the place in a single man’s apartment?

Whizzer had to get them out of there. Marvin had never shown up and that was a massive red flag. He checked his phone, very obviously, "Oh no!" He said "I thought that he was here but actually he's working late. We really don't actually talk that much...just roommates. I guess you'll have to talk to him about getting together another time" he hoped he sounded genuine. 

Apparently he seemed genuine enough because they stood and handed him a letter, thanking him for his time and asking him to pass it along.

He nodded, exchanged a few more forced pleasantries and let them out, locking the door quickly. He had a bad feeling about them. 

"Marvin?" He called quietly, starting to check the rooms of their apartment.

He didn't find him. He  _ knew _ Marvin was there, though. He had been there before, and the front door was the only exit. He started checking more closely, looking under the desk in his office, in the closets of their room and Jason's room, and even under the kitchen counter, even though he knew that the cabinets there were full of mismatched tupperware and pans, leaving no room for Marvin even if he would fit in an empty cabinet, which Whizzer sort of doubted. 

He was starting to feel desperate. Where could he be??? "Marvin.. sweetheart they're gone.. it's just me" he called as he searched through their bedroom again. 

Marvin heard him. Of course he did. But he couldn't respond. How had they found him?? It was bad enough that they knew where he worked, but how in the world had they found out here he lived? He couldn't breathe. He curled up tighter in the corner of the bathtub where he had been hiding. Everything was spiraling out of control. Whizzer was going to find out. He was going to know everything. What if he left? 

He felt the first sob work its way out of him, and then heard quick footsteps headed his way before Whizzer pulled back the shower curtain, flooding his little hiding space with light. 

"Oh sweetheart.." Whizzer's heart broke. He was also moderately confused. He climbed into the bathtub beside Marvin anyway. It was awkward, but he carefully folded his long limbs into a sitting position. 

Marvin shut his eyes tightly and took several deep breaths, pressing his lips together in a desperate attempt to keep any more sounds from escaping him. He had to get it together. He couldn't let Whizzer see. He couldn't know. Not this. Not now.

Whizzer was completely out of his depth. He had never seen Marvin look so shattered. Whizzer had seen him scared and distressed and vulnerable. Of course he had. They were married. But he had never seen him try to shut it all down this way, like if he was very still and very quiet Whizzer would somehow overlook the fact that he was on the verge of a crisis. He had, however, been in a very similar position with his son- many times, and they were so very alike. He reached out slowly and put a hand on the other man's shoulder. "Marvin...Marvin can you look at me?" he asked, making his voice as gentle as he could. 

Marvin shook his head frantically. This was bad. 

Despite his refusal to open his eyes, Whizzer felt him lean into his touch. He could feel him shaking. "Alright.. alright you don't have to. Everything's okay. We're safe sweetheart. You're safe." he rubbed small circles with his thumb, hoping to offer as much comfort as he could without making things even more overwhelming. 

When he got no response, he redoubled his efforts. He had seen Jason do this exact thing more times than he would like to remember- try to push everything down and hold it in, only to be even more upset, and break down at a slightly later time. 

He scooted slightly closer. A bathtub really wasn't the ideal place for this, though nowhere was really ideal. 

"Can I hold you?" he asked quietly. He tried to remember another time he had felt so helpless and couldn’t.

Marvin couldn't stand it anymore. His chest felt tight and his stomach hurt and everything was horrible. Logically, he knew that Whizzer was going to know. He just.. didn't want him to. He still couldn't look at him, but he nodded. 

Whizzer's arms wrapped around him. He simultaneously felt enormous relief and crushing fear. What if he left him? What if this was too much?? What if  _ he _ was too much? He just wanted it to stop. 

"I've got you... you're alright sweetheart... just let it out, it's alright," he whispered, running fingers through Marvin's hair. He felt the telltale moisture of tears collecting against his neck and squeezed him tighter. "That's it.. shhhhhh"

That's when Marvin broke. The pain of years of neglect and abuse and being unwanted came pouring out of him and he sobbed into Whizzer's shirt, clutching at the front of it with his fingers. He felt himself being squeezed tighter. He was safe. He knew that. Whizzer would keep him safe. Whizzer wouldn't let anything happen to him. He had gotten rid of them.

Whizzer held him for both moments and an eternity. He rubbed his back and whispered small reassurances until he heard Marvin's breathing start to even out. He didn't let go then either, though. It had been long enough that his backside was cold from being in contact with the bottom of their empty bathtub and his left foot was starting to go tingly from the odd angle- none of that mattered, though.

He very carefully did not let go first. As confused as he felt, he  _ knew _ Marvin, sometimes more than he knew himself. He knew that things had been far from easy for him for a long time before they met, even if he didn’t have the whole story. He knew that he tended to lean more to the insecure side of things and  _ needed _ to be loved and comforted and reassured, sometimes more than everyone else, even though he would never admit as much. 

"Thank you for getting rid of them," Marvin whispered. His voice shook and he didn't dare make eye contact, knowing that look that was probably on Whizzer's face would just set him off again. 

"I never would have let them in if I had known they weren't supposed to be here. You've never talked about them at all and I just… assumed you weren’t close, but… that’s not all that’s going on, is it?”

Marvin sniffled and shook his head. 

"You don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to share, alright? I love you and I want to be able to at least try to help, but I'm not going to force you."

"I love you too…" he knew he was going to have to talk about it. He didn't particularly want to, and he was still worried about scaring Whizzer away, but he deserved to know. 

So he told him. He told him everything. Everything about the pressure, and the neglect, and not being loved. Everything he could remember about the yelling and the physical abuse and doing every single thing he needed on his own. 

It was hard- it was one of the hardest things he had ever done. There were only three people who had ever heard the whole story, and two of them had been dismissive at best. Whizzer wouldn't do that though. He held him through it all, rubbing his back, whispering reassurances when his voice gave out halfway through and he started to cry again. 

"Oh sweetheart…" this wasn't what he had expected at all when he opened their door that afternoon. How could anyone do that to a kid? He had been through so much… it was a wonder he could function at all, let alone as well as he did. He was a wonderful husband. An amazing dad. Was he perfect? Absolutely not. But no one was. He was at a loss for words. 

"I didn't.. I didn't want to scare you away. You already know I'm a mess, but this is so much more than you ever knew you were getting into. And your family is so great. And… I mean… I'm their spawn. I didn't want you to worry that… that I would ever do any of that to you or… or to Jason. I wouldn't. You know I wouldn't. I-" he was babbling at this point, trying to get everything out before Whizzer had the chance to run. 

Whizzer cut him off, gently lifting his chin so he could make eye contact and wiping his tears away ever so carefully. "Marvin, I would never worry about that. Ever."

"You should." 

"I trust you, I  _ love _ you, and I know you wouldn't do that." 

"I was afraid you would leave if you knew…"  _ but instead you made them leave and kept me safe and tried to help and you're so perfect.  _

'I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart. Not anywhere that you aren't going, at least. I’m going to be right here with you, and we’re going to be safe. If they come anywhere near here they’re going to regret it." He squeezed Marvin tightly- he had never felt so protective of anyone in his life. He was going to do his very best to make sure that he felt as safe and secure and loved as possible. That was Whizzer’s new main objective, for the rest of their days. 

They sat there for a while longer, Whizzer's left foot might as well have been gone. They sat there for a while in silence, hands linked together. Whizzer sighed. He was still trying to process everything Marvin had told him, but his heart felt so heavy. This person who he loved so much had been treated so, so badly and it had done so much damage. 

Whizzer was snapped out of his thoughts by Marvin starting to get up. He was still in the process of unfolding his now stiff and aching limbs to climb out of the tub when Whizzer's arms wrapped around him again-one swooping under his knees and the other behind his back. He was almost too exhausted to care. Almost. He apparently still had the emotional capacity to feel vaguely ashamed. 

"-m not a baby, Whiz" he mumbled, but gave in to the urge to lean his head against Whizzer's chest. He felt completely wrung out. 

"Just... Let me take care of you, sweetheart. Please? Just for now? I know I can't fix everything but I  _ can _ do this...I  _ want  _ to take care of you." As much as he felt the urge to continue, he was willing to stop. The last thing he wanted to do was make him feel even more uncomfortable. 

Even if he was asked, he would never admit how good it actually felt to be held and comforted this way. He nodded anyway, and let his eyes fall shut. Letting himself bask in the love that he felt radiating from Whizzer. "Thank you," he whispered. He fell asleep before they even reached the bedroom. 

Marvin woke up the next morning in their bed, curled up slightly with Whizzer pressed up behind him, one arm slung over his shoulder, hand pressed against his chest. He hadn’t left, even after Marvin was asleep. The events of the night before felt foggy, even after a good night’s rest. He would have been thankful for that, if it wasn’t so off putting not to remember with complete clarity exactly what had happened. 

He was surprised at how okay he felt. He wasn’t desperate to move to a different apartment or change his name or find a new job like he thought he should have been. He was content. They were gone, and Whizzer was still there, holding him and keeping him safe. That was all he had ever really wanted. Safety. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure if I like this one... I'm sort leaning towards not? I think first grade Jason might be more in my wheel house. Let me know what you think of this one- good or bad! 
> 
> Stay safe and wash your hands! 💖💖💖

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my favorite. The hurt/comfort in chapter two is where it's at, the set up just seemed necessary. 
> 
> I did a bit of research for the psych bits but didn't dig super deep... I'm not an expert though so if anything is horrible or glaringly wrong please let me know!


End file.
